Parents are one of the greatest blessings in this life. I believe I have been blessed with four of the best parents in the world, my mom and dad, as well as my in-laws. We learn a lot from our parents as we grow older and mature. Many will adopt their parents parenting style as their own after they have children which can be effective when done properly or there might be a better way. Children have different needs that should be met to help them grow and develop properly, some of these are feeling contact and belonging, power, and challenge.
Contact and contribution are something children look for in a relationship. If they do not feel these things then they will approach the situation with undue attention seeking. A few months ago, while babysitting some cousins with Rae for a few days I was cleaning the dishes and the youngest child was sitting at the counter finishing her food. For several minutes, she proceeded to tell me how bored she was. I suggested she go do a few different things which did not sound like a good option to her. My response was letting her know that if she kept saying she wanted something to do she was going to need to help me clean the dishes. She promptly responded that she loves to clean the dishes! We pulled up a chair, and she helped clean to the best of her ability. It took longer than it would have otherwise but she loved it and was happy doing it. While we were in a cleaning mood she also helped me vacuum the living room as we danced around and she giggled with delight. By the time we had finished sweeping the kitchen she was sitting back on the stool happy, but a little tired. She no longer whined that she had nothing to do. As children feel contact with others and that they are contributing it allows them to relax and feel happy. This approach with children helps greatly with their growth and development.
Power is something many have sought throughout history and still seek today. It is something people want and it is hard for many to relinquish it. How many wars were fought without one or both of the sides looking for power? I cannot think of any. Growing up I was the second oldest of five. My oldest sibling is a brother. There were many times we would compete in things which usually ended in a fight. It was not uncommon as well to try and get power with our parents when we wanted something. A way to help children feel they have power so they do not seek it through rebellion is by giving them responsibility. My mother did an excellent job of this with me. During high school, I was allowed to choose my own curfew. Most school days I was home before ten o’clock and on the weekends before eleven. If I overstepped my boundaries I would get a call from mom asking where I was because I had not told her. It was a way of making me feel like I was in power. I was able to choose when I would get home, I did not want to lose that privilege.
Sports are a big hit with kids, why? Children like a challenge and sports is something that gives them it. Challenges are something kids like, when they do not have one they are left feeling bored or like they have nothing to do. If they lack challenges then they are more likely to participate in risk taking. Growing up my grandparents had a tree in their front yard. One Sunday after family dinner I was bored and had nothing to do so I decided with my older brother to go climb a tree in the front yard. Because I was not big enough or strong enough I soon went from the tree to the ground. In a matter of second, I had fallen and cut my arm. The cut later formed a scar which still reminds me of that accident to this day. Parents can model and encourage skill building in their children. As children feel challenged to grow and improve their skills they will be less likely to participate in the risky.
As parents work with children to make contact with them and help them feel they belong, as they help them feel power in appropriate ways and challenge themselves they will be a blessing to them. The children will not be perfect, but they will be able to learn from life through proper approaches. It will be an edifying experience for the whole family.