“I love you.” “Te amo.” “Je T’aime.” There are different ways to say it in different languages, but to all it has the same meaning. It is a way of expressing our feelings for another through the words that we use. In Greek, there are four different words for expressing love. They are: agape, philia, eros and storge. All of these express a different aspect of love.
Agape is a love that is independent of one’s feelings for another. It is a love without expectations, and without benefit for oneself. It is a charitable type of love that has no bounds. Philia is a love that is more brotherly. It is a love that exists between friends. Eros is the sexual or physical romantic love. Lastly, storge is the type of love that exists between a parent and a child. At some point, we will all feel, at least to some degree, these four loves in our lives.
The love I would like to focus on today is philia.
Philia, the love that exists between friends. Why Philia? All too often in the culture and society we live in we hear the term “friend-zone.” I don’t find that a bad place to be! Here is why: I was at a party once- a birthday party for a close friend of mine. At the party, I met a girl who would soon become one of my best friends. We had sophomore speech class together, we were in similar dance groups, and we would do group activities together like the drive-in movies. It was great, and we were good friends, but just friends. That is how we went through high school. Before I ever went on a date with her, I had gone on a date with her sister… which my friend accidentally crashed… with her mom. No, they did not know we were there, and no, it did not make it any less awkward. Graduation came and went and our friend group did activities together more frequently until we had all gone our separate ways. But me and my friend, became best friends. We would text and facetime often, we would run ideas past each other and it was great to get to know her better. I left for Peru, she left for Mexico and we continued to write until we both got home. I now see my best friend every day. She is my wife, my best friend forever.
For that reason, I do not agree with the term “friend-zone.” Who wouldn’t want to eventually marry their best friend? That is the best place to be.
Something that helps a relationship grow is not just hanging out, but going on dates and doing things together that are planned. This structure allows for learning and decision making as you are able to see the other person in a different light. According to Dallin H. Oaks, a date should be planned, paid for and paired off. This allows for interaction and allows a couple to see a person as they really are. Some of the dates Rae and I would go on were hiking, tennis, picnics, swimming, going for walks, Frisbee golf, miniature golf, and the list goes on.
Now that we are married, Rae and I continue to go on planned dates. Are we perfect about going on one every week? Not quite. Do they help us grow closer together when we do have them? Yes, yes they do. It is a way for us to develop the other types of love the Greeks were wise enough to mention and teach in their language. Which word do you find to be the most important? How have you seen relationships grow through dates you have been on and what are the most fun ones you have done?
No comments:
Post a Comment