Now What?

You’ve dated, bought a ring, proposed, planned the wedding and gotten married. Now what? Life plans and goals are different for every couple. There is no right or wrong answer. You get to choose. There are important things you do during your first month and year married that can help you grow and strengthen your marriage with your spouse or possibly weaken it if not taken care of. Some important things to do in the first month of marriage might include setting boundaries, setting up your household, bed sharing, space sharing and sexual intimacy. 

            Setting boundaries is an important part of marriage. It helps us recognize what is appropriate and what is not. These boundaries are not only between the husband and wife but also have to deal with how the couple interacts with other people on a personal and couple basis. After marriage, relationships will change with friends and family. It is important to know how to live with these changes so there is balance to your marriage. 

            Setting up your household has to do with rules and roles. One partner might have certain expectations for the house that the other person does not. It is important to recognize and talk about these often so both spouses are on the same page. The first time these rules and roles for the couple are spoken of should not be during the first month of marriage. These rules and roles should be mentioned during dating. However, if you missed this, there is no time like the present to speak about it with your significant other. Rules and roles help the house run smoothly. 

            Bed sharing is different for all people. The other night while lying in bed, I fell asleep while watching a TV show with Rae. We were watching it at the foot of the bed on a laptop so when I was woken up she was asking if I wanted to flip around. I said I didn’t care. She talked me into it. I was still asleep, but according to her, I flipped around and spread out across the whole bed. She tried telling me she was falling off the bed a few minutes later so I would move. Bed sharing, if not done in a constructive manner may lead to a lot of contention. Find out what your partner likes or doesn’t and respect it. Realize that sharing a bed is going to get hot. Temperature hot. Two bodies and a bed sheet tend to make things a lot warmer than they were when it was just you. Talk about this and decide what works for both people. 

            Space sharing is important as well as sexual intimacy. Space sharing has to do with the whole house. What is going to go where or who gets to use what in the bathroom for their stuff, things like that. These small things if not resolved can fester and lead to issues, but when they are talked about in a loving way and in a good environment they can help unite the couple and add to a happy environment. Sexual intimacy should be spoken of by the couple so both feel their needs are being met. 

            There is a lot to go over in the first month! For newlyweds, this list is a good place to start. Plus, this is just the first month. The first year especially can be critical for a couple but you get to spend the rest of your life with this person so every month is going to be important. For those of you reading this who are married, what have you done in the first month that helped to strengthen your relationship? What are some things you wish you had done during the first month that you or year that you didn’t do?