There are many different events in life that shape us into who we are. This shaping is determined by how we act or react to events. We do not react to an event itself, the event is something that just happens, there is no emotion attached to it. How we see, think, and feel about an event determines how we remember it. An example of this would be the country music concert I went to by Easton Corbin. As a young teenager, I absolutely despised country music. I would not listen to it and if I was in the car with someone who did I would not allow them to listen to it. Last summer, early into my twenties, I moved down to Texas for a season. Before I moved down there I had heard some country music so I continued to listen to it as I drove there because it reminded me of home. I came to appreciate the music, especially the voices of the singers. Although I had never heard any of the music by Easton Corbin before the concert, I enjoyed the concert and would be more than willing to go again were the opportunity to present itself. During my teenage years there is no way I would have gone to that concert. Our belief of events is shaped by our perception of them.
When bad things happen in life, the same principle applies. The way we see tragic or hard events has a way of shaping us into the person we are. We do have control over how we react to these situations. There was a young man who, at age nineteen, left his home and went to do service in Peru. He left everything he had behind and was thrilled at the opportunity to help other people and to learn a new language while he was there. This excitement lasted for quite some time. That is, until he was robbed, robbed again, and robbed again. This event sent him spiraling into a dark place. It was hard to smile, hard to leave his room, and hard to see much good in the world. A vibrant young man become dulled and hesitant to continue. He wanted to go home. It took some time, but he was able to start making some progress in returning to the way he had been before being robbed. His mindset about the event slowly changed from something scary, to something that he could use to feel compassion for those around him. After this young man got home he was able to continue changing his perception of the event to slowly get over it.
In some marriages, there are things like abuse and mistreatment that may take place. No one wishes this on anyone and it is not okay. After an event like this occurs there are different reactions that can take place. A negative event like this can be just that, a negative event, or changed into a positive event. Not a positive event for what transpired but used as a stepping stone to continue to grow and progress as an individual. There is a formula for someone trying to escape their terrible feeling or emotions about events like this that could be helpful. The formula is: Minutes of life divided by minutes of abuse. If we look at the amount of time that abuse or a negative situation impacted our life, it might be a significant amount of time and one may need to search for someone who can help them. If one looks from the formula perspective they might be able to see that it was such a brief moment that it is not worth dwelling on.
As we face our trials and challenges in an attitude of growing and developing we will better be able to do just that. We will be able to use those experiences to help us grow as individuals and with those who we marry. It takes work and forgiving by both parts but we can change our mental perspectives to create positive experiences from life. What are some things that help you have a more positive perspective when facing life’s challenges and difficulties?
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